But things need to change.
What I mean is that so far all I’ve done on this blog, and in many of my stories, is write about ideas. Long, boring, sometimes complicate, always pompous, extremely exclusionary, and terribly nearsighted ideas. The thing about all that, no one cares. And that is no woe is me statement, only a simple observation, and a truth that I intend rectify.
Don’t get me wrong. Ideas are great. In fact, thinking about ideas is my favorite pass time. And ideas can change the world. Every action was first a thought; and without thoughts, without ideas, we are nothing but carbon husks wrapped around skeletons waiting for our skin to melt off with age.
But as silly as it sounds, what I write is all that I get to leave behind for my friends and children. Leaving a trail of idea crumbs speaks very little to who I am and what I believe and how I feel. Ideas say nothing about my faith in God, my love for my wife, my fears about almost everything, the surprising fun I have being a father, and how important friendship is to me. They say nothing about me. Because ideas have no personality; all they can do is stimulate the brain, and maybe help a person get through a day of work.
My new goal for life (not just 2015) is to write better. To write about what I care about as a person; not the ideas I care about, but the objects, the people, the places, the feelings. To take all the pieces of me and reconfigure myself into words (if that’s possible). This will be new for me, an experiment that I hope will change the way I think and act and speak and create. An experiment that I hope will change my family, too, a change that will bring us closer together and help us to escape the confines of habits and desires that, at our cores, we loathe.
This will be new. And with new comes many faults. I will not do well with this, at first. I will complain. I will be boring. I will be self-indulgent and narcissistic. I will be depressing, and sometimes unpleasant. But somewhere in-between, I hope to uncover something beautiful for myself, and for others.