Wednesday, June 5, 2013

On Respect, Obligation, Awesome Wives, and Sticking it to the Man


There are certain protocols you're expected to follow when quitting a job. For example: yelling at your supervisor and storming out the doors, expletives littering the air, might feel awesome, but it's super-awesome. Awesome people do awesome things like that. Because this world is too full of idiots running the show, who don't give a flying flip about anyone or anything except their own bank accounts and superiority complexes. I, of course, am not awesome. I did things "the right way."

After a ridiculous Saturday work session, in which I was supposed to work eight hours from home but couldn't log onto the company website because I had not been granted external access, and my supervisor who told me she would be available all day to assist me didn't respond to my texts and emails regarding my inability to log on until noon, and the idiotic conversation that ensued afterward when I told her I could only work four hours now, because I had a life and other plans and better things to do than work from home on a Saturday (again, I'm not awesome, so I didn't say anything as perfectly as that), and her blatantly accusing me of not getting my work done, the wife and I made the decision that I needed to move on. So, I drafted a letter of resignation:

(Supervisor's name),

I, Jon Alston, hereby quit this awful excuse for a job. Suck it. My official last day will be Thursday May 30th, 2013. Have fun under the yellow plane, lady.

Regards,

Jon Alston

There is this full sized yellow biplane hanging up in the office. True story. Not functional (it had been gutted), but still. The owner has his pilot's license I guess, and he thinks he's hot stuff. Steph, however, being as brilliant as she is, felt that my letter might not be the best way to do things, so she drafted me a letter that I could later edit. This is what she came up with:

To Whom It May Concern;

Due to previous obligations and reasons both personal and familial, this notice is to announce my official resignation from (this awful place) with my final date of employment effective Thursday, May 30th, 2013.
In ending my term of employment, I would also like to acknowledge that over the course of my employment with (this awful place), I have been completely dissatisfied with both the business model and attitudes of supervisory staff and management of said organization. In particular with regards to the suggestion and implications that I would not take my duties as a team member or my personal work with serious thought and dedication, as well as the lack of regard for my family and life outside of the workplace.
Upon accepting employment with (this awful place), time off requests were discussed which I was informed would not be a problem to accommodate. While I completely understand deadlines and teamwork, I had agreed to make up work time prior to the dates in question, and was willing to work on the weekend at home to contribute. After repeatedly attempting to externally log in, and after numerous e-mails and text messages to (my supervisor) (who had informed me that she would be available and willing to help at anytime with any questions) I finally received a response four hours after my shift was to begin. It was indicated by (my supervisor) that I may need to come into the office, and I was asked incredulously why I could not "squeeze in" more hours on my Saturday (to which I had already postponed other plans and had been standing by my computer all morning to attempt and work off these hours that I needed for a pre-planned vacation). It was repeated, again, that I would need to be more diligent in contributing; a goal that I could not work any harder to achieve, and which was placing the blame on me, yet was out of my control. There is a bold line between living to work and working to live. Retail secret shopping should not be at the center of anyone's reason to live.
In addition, the tactless work attitude of the CEO, and his disregard for formality and professionalism in the workplace, is inexcusable. The use and distribution of alcoholic beverages in the office during operational business hours is disrespectful and inappropriate; not to mention the use of foul language and unsuitable humor during a work meeting to help the employees feel "comfortable." I have found the attitudes of the people that are in significant positions at (this awful place) to be condescending and discourteous. It is unbefitting of a company that touts itself so highly.
Thank you for your time. I am grateful for this learning opportunity and will graciously accept my resignation effective upon the date aforementioned.

Sincerely,

Jonathan Alston

P.S. Maybe next time the company sets up an email account for an employee, it can actually look at how the employee's name is spelled.

I couldn't find a single thing to change. It was brilliant. It was true. And it was to the point. I assume she learned this talent when working at Suite America, because I have no idea where else she learned it, but she has a gift for calling people extremely stupid without actually saying it. I, on the other hand, am more direct, and tactless. So I went with this letter. (Oh, and yes, my name on my email at work was spelled wrong: John. H. Seriously? You have a copy of my driver's license and social security card. Morons.)

Anyway. I printed it, signed it, had it all ready to go. Then I get a text from Steph right before I go to work: "Use the short version of my draft" (it was something along those lines). I was shocked, and disappointed. She loved her draft. She did the same thing, but only seven pages long and in 10pt font when she quit Suite America. And she felt good for doing it. I wanted to feel good, too. But she was right. I think. I don't know. She said it would be better, less confrontational, which was true. And she knew about quitting and confrontation with a boss. I hate people, and the last thing I wanted to do was talked to these people about anything, especially about how much they sucked. So instead, I gave my supervisor this:

 To Whom It May Concern;

Due to previous obligations and reasons both personal and familial, this notice is to announce my official resignation from (this awful place) with my final date of employment effective Thursday, May 30th, 2013.
Thank you for your time. I am grateful for this learning opportunity and will graciously accept my resignation effective upon the date aforementioned.

Sincerely,

Jonathan Alston

Boring. To the point. Harmless. Whatever, I guess. It was respectful; but I hate being forced to respect people who don't deserve. Respect is earned, not demanded because of some meaningless fabricated title you carry like a Purple Heart. Stupid.

But now, it's over, and I can move. To where, and what, that is still yet to be determined. All I know is that I need to sleep for a few days. Maybe then, I'll know what to do next.

1 comment:

Steph said...

I am grateful for you and the hard work that you do. Here's to the future and people appreciating you!!